Cardinal Love Letter: Ryan Theriot

Dear Ryan,

Yes, I know I wrote to you already and publicly declared my infatuation. You’re a Cardinal; I like you. But I’m just having trouble really liking you, if you know what I mean.

It’s your past — the fact you were a Cub for five-and-a-half seasons. That’s a big hurdle for me to overcome. Yes, I know I hated Lance Berkman when he was an Astro and very quickly embraced him as a Cardinal. But that’s different. I hated him for what he did against the Cardinals, for the success he always had. His production is what annoyed me. Well, those people in puma costumes too. (Hopefully they’re gone now.) But you’re different. I hated the uniform you wore, the teams you were on, your managers, your teammates, everything about you (including The Riot as a nickname. Come on — be creative!) That’s a lot more baggage to deal with.

Yeah, I know the Cubs traded you away because they had no use for you. That should garner my sympathy at the very least. And, of course, there’s the “right side of the rivalry” thing you said, which got my attention. I will be your biggest fan to all the obnoxious Cub people in my life when May 10 arrives — and mean it. Truthfully, I am trying to love you. I really, really am.

So I’ll look past the spring training numbers (because, as you said, they’re not on the back of anyone’s baseball card), the weirdness of seeing you in a Cards uniform, the tight pants and even that horrible picture from Facebook and mockery from Cubs fans. Ryan, I will love you — I promise.

Just give me a little more time.


Christine Coleman is the lead writer for Aaron Miles’ Fastball. Follow her on Twitter, @CColeman802, or e-mail Also follow @AMilesFastball for the latest updates.

10 thoughts on “Cardinal Love Letter: Ryan Theriot

      • lol…don’t know if I can help….I am from Chicago…lol -but I’m a big fan so I am following his career where-ever he goes…He is a true “ballplayer”, he knows how to make things happen. He is gonna be a great spark plug for the Cards..
        I’ll be spending my weekends in St Louis to see him play.
        Go Cards….

  1. This post makes me laugh!!
    I think once we see The Riot play as a Cardinal and see him PLAY LIKE A CARDINAL we will be OK with him. Cause, the Cub aura that surrounds him freaks me out a little too. I just hope Gibby, Stan The Man or Lou touches him and that aura disappears… cause that’s supposed to happen, right!

    • Yes, perhaps opening day can be Ryan’s (sorry, I am not going to use The Riot name) Cardinals’ baptism! When he has to go down the receiving line of Hall of Famers — and especially if Stan The Man is there — his evil spirits will be washed away!

      And hopefully my evil feelings for him as well …

    • Are you going to the opening day game? If not, be sure to watch it. The Cardinals have a wonderful opening day tradition that’s unlike any other team!

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