How Do We Love Thee, Lance?

Yes, LB, we adore you. (Photo by Linda S)

Lance Berkman, how do we love thee? Let us count the ways.

We love thee to the depth and breadth and height

Our souls can reach, for all that you are and all that you do.

For the home runs that you hit, for the way you dash around the bases,

For your ever-present smile that makes us melt and sigh.

For the catches you make … and even the ones you look foolish in trying to complete

Because we love the effort.

We love your leadership, your spark, your energy, your commercial with Waino.

We love thee freely, not afraid to tweet our joy and debate whether you saunter or strut.

We love thee purely, because we know you’re a devoted husband and father.

We love that the LB Fan Club has taken off.

We love thee … period.

We might not love thee better after death, but we definitely love thee better now than we ever could have imagined when you were an Astro.


OK, maybe we’re getting a little caught up in royal wedding madness. Or maybe we’re still hungover with the absolute delight of watching LB last night, and the night before, and Tuesday, and last weekend against the Reds …

Seriously, we love Lance Berkman. (Have we ever mentioned that?) What he did in the sixth inning alone last night was more than many players do in an entire game, hitting a three-run homer and an RBI single. But that was just one inning. He also had a double. Oh, and instead of hitting a triple to complete the cycle, he just hit another homer instead. Left-handed, since he’d already done it from the right side. (Isn’t he supposed to not be good from the right?)

When you look at what he’s done this season, it’s beyond anyone’s wildest expectations. He’s hitting .410 (second in the NL to Matt Holliday’s .433), has an on-base percentage of .467, a slugging percentage of .795 (tops in the NL), is second in homers with eight and second in RBI with 22.

Oh, and there’s that smile. And those eyes. (Yes, we’re girls.) But, mostly, that production.

So, yes, we love Lance Berkman and we’re not afraid to (again) tell the world all about it. Especially because he keeps giving us more and more reasons to do so.

Of course, there was more to the game last night than the LB Show. Kyle McClellan definitely had his worst start of the season, but he still picked up the win and is 4-0. Plus, in the seventh and eighth innings, Miguel Batista pitched.

Poem for The Poet — April 28
The star of the game was LB, it’s true.
But that doesn’t mean I overlooked you.
Your pace in the seventh nearly lulled us to sleep
And in the eighth, at least no one went deep.
Overall not the best, but not the worst, you could do.

So, it’s on to Atlanta and a series with the Braves starting tonight. The now 36-year-old Chris Carpenter will be well rested since he left Houston before last night’s game, and hopefully can finally get his first win of the season. Maybe LB can single-handedly deliver it as a belated birthday present — and give us another reason to love him? Game time is 6:35 p.m. Central.

Christine Coleman is the senior St. Louis Cardinals reporter for Aaron Miles’ Fastball. Follow her on Twitter, @CColeman802, or email Also follow @AMilesFastball for the latest updates.

2 thoughts on “How Do We Love Thee, Lance?

  1. I don’t hate him anymore! That’s a good thing, right? Still not going to climb on the LB Fan Club train, but that’s mostly b/c I’m stubborn.

    But I’ve been spreading word about the Daniel Descalso Fan Club I started Opening Day. Any takers? Anyone? Oshie? I mean, Bueller?

    • Yes, it’s good! LB will wear you down — you WILL eventually join the LB Fan Club! He has that power too …

      I will definitely be a member of the Descalso fan club, even though he would have been mentioned in my Poem for The Poet if I could have come up with a word to rhyme with his last name. Not stellar defense last night, but I’ll support him all the same. And is Oshie the one who looks like he’s 13?

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