Report: My mailman’s daughter’s boyfriend’s cousin has refuted the falling sky announcement.

Will he stay or will he go?

Heard this: A confidant of the weather man claims the sky “Is very close to falling, but there are signs that point to last minute change in direction.”

That, friends, is the gist of the last 24 hours of Pujols Mania, courtesy of Twitter’s “coverage” of the winter meetings from Dallas.

If you’ve fallen behind on any of the latest, here’s a quick update: The Marlins appear to be moving on from Albert Pujols who failed to accept their offer last night. Miami has just confirmed a signed deal with former White Sox pitcher Mark Buerhle, but continues to claim they are pursuing CJ Wilson, Prince Fielder. No word on where, exactly, all of that money is coming from.

Team Albert, on the other hand, had meetings with the Cardinals this morning (or did he? So many conflicting reports!), but nothing is confirmed. Just in case you aren’t confused yet, I can also tell you the Cardinals and Pujols are reportedly a few million dollars apart on a 10-year deal, but other “sources” say St. Louis never went to 10 years to begin with.

The ever-contradictory “source” says we might yet see a deal tonight. Or, we might not.

Clear as mud? Good.

While you’re processing all of that, let me entertain you with the “Best Of #Albertgeddon, 2011.”

Last night, after meeting with Dan Lozano for a reported 90 minutes:

AKA the “Snap Heard Round the World”

Snapped his fingers? What? Wait, I need details. Was it a “SNAP, we were *this close*!” snap? Or a “OH snap, we’ve got him!” snap? Or a “Hey you over there! [snap] We’re going this way.” snap? Come on, man, you can’t leave me hanging like that!

Not to worry. There were plenty of other sources to be had.

Acquaintance, eh? Solid.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the room where all these acquaintances are staying! (Or to be the genius who just makes up information to see if the national media will bite!)

I’m warning you now, the longer this goes on, the loopier it gets. It’s all speculation, right? So let’s have a little fun…

Why not, right? They want everyone else. I’ll bet Brett Favre has a mean curveball…

Not everyone has been living and breathing Pujols news, or so it seems.

David, you might have the right idea here. Ignorance is bliss, after all.

Theory after theory, rumor after rumor. Wait! An answer to my Marlins money question?

Totally makes sense. That’s the only thing that does right now.

But, Albert, if you needed anything else to sway you back to STL, this should do the job.

Come on, Mang … don’t let The Man go without his only Christmas wish!

As the twitter wheel keeps turning, it appears we could have a deal sooner rather than later — for (almost) real this time! Word is, Mozeliak was supposed to have a meeting with the St. Louis media at 5:30 today — a meeting which, according to B. J. Rains, has since been postponed. Don’t jump up and down just yet, though. We’ve been fooled before. Still more anonymous sources are claiming that more than one team is in on a deal. Be prepared for a “mystery team” to emerge yet again.

Hold on to your hats, Cardinal Nation. It could be another long (potentially anticlimactic) night!

Tara is a St. Louis Cardinals reporter for Aaron Miles’ Fastball and a contributor to Around the Horn. Follow her on Twitter @tarawellman.