If You’re Wondering Where Aaron Miles Is …

If you’re wondering where Aaron Miles is these days, we are here to help. We’re not named after his pitching prowess for nothing. (And if you’re not wondering about him — well, it does get your mind off the current Cardinals’ troubles momentarily.)

You’ll remember that Aaron was with the Dodgers last year. (You of course recall his homer off pitcher Skip Schumaker in that terrible sweep in August, right? It was his revenge on the Cardinals.) He was a free agent after the season ended and remained unsigned through spring training and up until a few weeks ago, when he signed a minor league deal with the Dodgers.

Aaron made his debut at Triple-A Albuquerque on May 21. Yesterday, the Isotopes faced the Round Rock Express — and their new pitcher Roy Oswalt. That batter/pitcher match-up prompted our fellow Cardinals blogger Chris Mallonee of Birds on the Bat 82 to snap and then tweet me this picture.

And that picture launched a hundred more tweets.

Or, rather, the plumpness of our old pal’s posterior did.

Yes, Miranda and I are not ashamed to admit that we spent time conversing with several of our Twitter pals about that very topic — and its increased size from what we remembered.

And perhaps I should be ashamed to admit that I turned to the one reliable source in such an instance: Google Images. (Hey, I watched every pitch of Friday and Saturday’s Cardinals games. I deserved a diversion.) One of the first pics I discovered was similar to our banner above and what we use as the AMF Twitter avatar, which is Aaron pitching in 2010.

As you can see, not quite as ample.

The more I searched, and the more pictures I tweeted along to Miranda, Stacy, Laura and Tracy, the truth became clear: Aaron has more junk in his trunk these days.

Then Chris tweeted me another picture from yesterday’s game that just made the truth more clear, as you can see in this picture.

And it’s not difficult to figure out why Lil Aaron has become Bigger Aaron.

For one, he’s 35 years old. Age does no one any favors (which is a fact some of us can relate to better than others).

For another, he’s short. Although his Baseball Reference page lists him as 5’8, that’s totally not true. I am likely the only person who remembers the Fox Midwest pre-game show from 2006 where Aaron and David Eckstein were the guests, with the main topic of conversation their heights. The two stood back-to-back to see who was taller … and they were basically the same. Eckstein, according to his Baseball Reference page, is 5’6.

The point is, both Aaron’s height and his build mean that some extra pounds are going to be noticeable — no matter where they show up.

But, Aaron, that’s OK — your new figure is appealing. Trust me, it truly was much discussed on Twitter, and not in a bad way. Seriously. There was poetry being written about it:

And that could just launch a whole new feature here at Aaron Miles’ Fastball: booty poetry.

For now, though, we’ll just let Laura’s poem stand alone as we wish our Aaron well on his quest to return to the majors.

And admire the view.

Christine Coleman is the senior St. Louis Cardinals reporter for Aaron Miles’ Fastball. Follow her on Twitter, @CColeman802, or email aaronmilesfastball@gmail.com. Also follow @AMilesFastball for the latest updates.

5 thoughts on “If You’re Wondering Where Aaron Miles Is …

  1. While talk of Aaron Miles’ butt is compelling, let’s get back to the action …

    You know, if the Pirates win today and the Cardinals lose tonight, it’ll be the first time since July 21 last year that St. Louis will have dropped into third place. Interestingly, it was two losses in New York to the Mets that put them in third that time last year.

  2. I like Aaron’s butt and I can not lie
    You other sisters can’t deny
    That when Miles walks in with an itty bitty waist
    And a round thing in your face
    You get sprung, wanna grab that rough
    ‘Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
    Deep in the jeans he’s wearing
    You’re hooked and you can’t stop staring
    Girls wanna get with you
    And take your picture
    Your homeboys tried to warn you
    But that butt you got makes them so horny
    Ooh, Rump-o’-smooth-skin
    You say you wanna get in my Benz?
    Well, use me, use me
    ‘Cause you ain’t that average groupie
    I’ve seen them dancin’
    To hell with romancin’
    He’s sweat, wet,
    Got it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette
    I’m tired of magazines
    Sayin’ flat butts are the thing
    Take the average Twitter girl and ask her that
    He gotta pack much back
    So, girls! (Yeah!) Girls! (Yeah!)
    Has your Aaron got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
    Tell him to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
    Shake that healthy butt!
    Miles got back!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s