Yes, this feature is typically called Cardinal Love Letters and published on Mondays. However, in the generous spirit of the holiday season, I am expanding my horizons and sharing the love. Even though you’re technically the enemy — thus the title above, since you’re not a Cardinal — and …
And I … um … uh …
Sorry. Totally lost my focus.
It’s that picture.
Well, obviously you in the picture — the intensity of your stare. And those lips — and the hair — and even the scarf — and and and … So very distracting, although in a good way. You have the same intent gaze when you bat too, and I like your almost casual way of standing at the plate unmoving except for slightly rocking that left leg up and back until the ball arrives …
Uh, yeah. I’ve paid close attention.
Okay, too close, at least when the Cardinals are playing the Pirates, but I just can’t help it. Maybe I should feel bad, and I do when you get a hit against the Cards (which you did quite a few times in 2012). Well, except in those at-bats when some of your dreads are over your right shoulder oh-so-fetchingly kind of like they are here. Then I’m pretty much powerless. Kind of like the Pirates were in August and September —
Goodness, that’s not very nice. I might have to apologize, except this is called “Letter To The Cardinals Enemy.”
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh, yeah. You.
And the power that you do have, both on the field and off. “The Power of Cutch,” as some of us — Cardinals fans all — have taken to calling it on Twitter. The power to finish third in the National League MVP race, yes, but also the power to make me, and countless women everywhere, feel like 15-year-old girls all over again. Sure, the dreads are a huge part of it. You know this, right? Of course you do — how silly to even ask. But it was before this year’s All-Star Game when I discovered I wasn’t alone in my secret (so I wanted to think, anyway) crush on you.
Night after night, game after game, commercial break after commercial break enjoying that very spot — well, yes, I might have mentioned something on Twitter about it. Perhaps often. However, to my pleasant surprise, many other female fans — Cardinals and others — appreciated the commercial for the very same reason. Ah … those shared bonding experiences on Twitter were like being back in fifth grade and gushing over the latest article on Shaun Cassidy in Tiger Beat. (Not that you’ve ever heard of him, but Google is your friend. And your day must be made knowing so many women in their 30s and 40s are swooning over you. Humor us. Tell us it is.)
OK, enough frivolity. Time to get down to business and finish strong … unlike the Pirates in 2012. And 2011, for that matter.
Oops. There I go again.
Maybe 2013 will be the year when things come together for a complete season for you and the Pirates. It would be fun to see a packed PNC Park all the way through September and into October. I was there once, in late July 2008, and have two memories: the gorgeous yet empty ballpark on a Thursday night, and the large amount of Steelers merchandise for sale in the gift shop. The former has changed at times, which I know from watching Cardinals-Pirates games. Here’s hoping that you’ve caused the latter to change too. The people I know from Pittsburgh are fanatical sports fans — they’d love a successful Pirates team.
And it’s admirable you’ve committed to staying there. Actually, after reading this about you in September, there’s not much about you that’s not admirable.
Except how you hit against the Reds. Come on, dude, you need to kill them and the Brewers like you do the Cardinals. OK? It’s excellent to see those numbers against the Cubs — keep it up. The better you hit against the rest of the teams in the NL Central, or the rest of MLB, the better. Minus the Cards, of course. I will always have my priorities. Although if you want to hit a home run next Labor Day weekend when I’m back in Pittsburgh, that would be perfectly fine. Provided it’s not off Chris Carpenter. I don’t want him mad at you. Actually, you don’t want him mad at you. Remember this?
In closing, I’ll just say best of luck in 2013! Well, better luck. An 88-74 second-place-to-the-Cardinals finish in the Central/top wild card spot would be perfect. And a-second-place-to-Yadi in the MVP race would be fine. Well, OK … perhaps Yadi can finish second to you. Maybe. As long as it’s not Buster Posey again. And especially not Ryan Braun. Or Joey Votto. The Pirates and Cards need to keep those other NL Central teams down, right? And we obviously don’t need to mention the Cubs …
Christine Coleman is the senior St. Louis Cardinals reporter for Aaron Miles’ Fastball. Follow her on Twitter, @CColeman802, or email email@example.com. Also follow @AMilesFastball for the latest updates.