It was never a secret I adored Andrew McCutchen. A love letter to him a year ago made that very clear (and, not to pat myself on the back, but check out the final paragraph — pretty impressive for something I basically made up to close out the letter and, really, Yadi should have finished second for MVP) as did many, many tweets over the past couple seasons.

Really, even a photo like this won’t persuade me to continue my crush. (Photo: Pittsburgh Magazine)

But I’m done. Yep, just like that. (Don’t crushes just tend to flame out anyway?)

And, yes, it has to do with his marriage proposal this week. Not because he did it, not at all. It’s not like I harbored any secret fantasy he really likes women 20 years older than him who live 600 miles from Pittsburgh and are Cardinals fans

Good for him that he’s now engaged, sure. Best wishes and much happiness and all that. But everything else about the proposal just turned me off — that he did it on “Ellen,” and it was the sole reason for him being on the show at all. I mean, what? Why? It just didn’t make any sense.

I realize I am likely the one and only female in the entire universe who feels this way. My reaction is supposed to be like that of every other woman who saw it. I should think it was so romantic and beautiful and perfect, and there were supposed to be tears springing to my eyes as I watched it like there were for all those women who tweeted about it and for my friend Tracy when she watched the video at work. Even male Pirates bloggers were writing that “he also proved he can propose to his girlfriend better than any man ever will. The guy continues to show his superiority over the male species.”

I wasn’t supposed to watch and have cynical thoughts spring to mind like isn’t it just really convenient that Maria was dressed all in white as she was brought up on stage? And I wasn’t supposed to think it was really awkward to watch the video once I realized that, oh, this isn’t really him playing baseball, and actually may have cringed just a little to hear him talk afterward. Because all along I was thinking this is the “Ellen” show and this is Andrew McCutchen and this is a marriage proposal and these things just don’t go together because at least when David Freese was on there was some relevance since Ellen had given World Series tickets to the couple who Freeser then surprised and that guy had proposed at what ended up the greatest World Series game ever but who decided this proposal out of nowhere on TV by Cutch with all this painfully gushy language which would be better just spoken one-on-one was a good idea?

It took a look at just one of the 18.7 million results on Google when searching “Andrew McCutchen proposal” to realize who that someone was: his PR guy.

“I kind of had another idea and that got crushed. So I didn’t know when I was going to do it,” McCutchen said Thursday. “My PR guy called me and said, ‘Do you want to do it on Ellen?’ and I just said yes.”

Ugh.

So much for romance. Let’s propose for the publicity!

But, given the 18.7 million Google results, mission accomplished, PR guy. My bet is he’s the guy standing and cheering next to Maria as she gets up to go on stage.

Not that there’s anything wrong with PR guys. I mean, my college degree is in journalism/public relations and I’ve worked in marketing for 20-plus years. Then again, maybe that’s why I found the whole proposal distasteful. It seemed like a stunt from the second Ellen asked about his relationship status.

Of course, if he has a PR guy, publicity is what Andrew wants — and publicity is certainly what he’s gotten, if I can refer to those 18.7 million Google search results on his proposal yet again. And the American Music Awards appearance. And on and on. So I guess I should be giving props to Mr. PR Guy. He’s doing what he was hired to do, and he’s obviously doing it well.

Which brings me back to Andrew — who must want this kind of attention. He can, sure. But I don’t have to like it, or like him as I used to, anymore. This whole stunt is just too much for me. Give me authenticity … or at least not PR guys scripting out a wedding proposal (complete with video!) for you and inexplicably booking it on daytime television.

Plus, it really was time to move on anyway.

Given the Pirates success in 2013 — in large part thanks to Cutch’s MVP season — they aren’t going to be the sad-sack 20-straight-losing-seasons team in the NL Central anymore. They’re competition for the division title. All those battles against the Cardinals this year, that hard-fought NLDS, Gerrit Cole — all of that’s going to be there again in 2014. I don’t want to be thinking too much about the figurative and literal centerpiece of the Pirates anymore. So the little media stunt masquerading as a marriage proposal this week was good timing along with being the final straw for my infatuation.

So, Andrew, it’s been fun. But now it’s done.

Although there’s one thing related to him I might not be able to give up on quite so quickly. Because I do still like “Can’t Cutch This” as a fantasy team name a lot.


Christine Coleman is the lead writer for Aaron Miles’ Fastball. Follow her on Twitter, @CColeman802, or email aaronmilesfastball@gmail.com. Also follow @AMilesFastball for the latest updates and like us on Facebook if you don’t already.