Letters to the enemy – Jan. 24

I hate you, and for a number of reasons: you were on the 2004 Red Sox, you’re currently on the Reds, your stupid straight-leg pitching motion, your hair. Yet, despite all that, whenever your song “The Freshmen” pops up on Pandora, I cannot bring myself to click the thumbs-down button. It is oddly compelling. However, this reaction of mine is greatly disturbing. What kind of secret messages are hidden in your music?


2 thoughts on “Letters to the enemy – Jan. 24

  1. Chris, thank you for writing, and it’s always a pleasure to meet a fan. You know, it’s funny, you ask whether there’s a hidden message in my songs. Well, of course, there are. Every musical artist hides messages within the lyrics and music, some for nefarious purposes — you may recall the zombie outbreak and blackened skies following the release of Katy Perry’s “California Girls,” for example.

    But my parents went a little bit further when they named me as an infant in swaddling clothes. See, they were fans of a certain 1950s and 1960s blues singer with his dark, emotional ballads, who dressed in black and wore sunglasses all the time. But rather than naming me directly after him, they elected to engage in subterfuge. See, they didn’t want to put any additional pressure on me and my guitar playing.

    So, for the first time ever, I am comfortable to reveal that my name, Bronson Arroyo, is actually a phonetic anagram of his legendary name.

    You can rearrange the letters in my name to spell roy oorborsan … Roy Orbison!

    And now you know the rest of the story.

    … all that talk about me being named after Charles Bronson? Seriously? Have you ever seen me? With my girlishly long hair and ballet-dancer pitching motion? Girlfriend, please.

    • Bronson, thanks (I think) for the comment. Not sure about your reading comprehension skills, though — perhaps you need to go back and read the first line of my letter. Or were you just that eager to come out, so to speak, about your real name?

      Now that you mention it, though, you might make a rather pretty woman.

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